I made me laugh

To start press any key - The Simpsons

I am not nice

Deja Poo

Rakes my old arch-enemy

OK less gay

I'm not indecisive - I just can't decide

Didn't you read Lords of the ring in high school?

Would I rather be feared or loved?

I am not nice

I am an outsider in all of my personal relationships

Me overweight mom dresses too sexy

I heard that, you bitch

I got nothing to lose

Too many assholes not enough bullets

You're pretty much my most favorite of all time in the history of ever

You didn't cry when Babmi's mother died?

I should not have poured wine in my cereal this morning

[judges you in Spanish]

Need motivation to lose weight? - Just eat in front of mirror naked

It's like a sauna in here

Fuck distance

49 stars on that flag

Mom and Pop hardware - Simpsons

So you've decided to steal cable

You don't call retarded people retards it's a bad taste - You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded - The Office

Try not to be a cunt - The Buddha

I miss my pre-internet brain

Is there life after birth?

You'll never forget to turn off the oven if you never turn it on

IDGAF - I don't give away food

[doesn't give a single fuck about your opinion in spanish]

Give me a million dollars or I'll bash you - The Simpsons

But I want to hurt people, not animals

Congratulations universe you win - The Office

If you fall - I'll be there - Floor

You alone? Almost always - Arrested Development

We're old enough to smell bad

What kind of slut are you?

Silence is better than bullshit

Stay back, slut

Could you speak up? I'm not wearing pants

Elephant Child Born

Local Man Thinks Wrestling is Real

Metaphors? I hate metaphors

Marge it's 3am shouldn't you be baking? - The SImpsons

Can I have some? - The Simpsons

I like being alone too much

You have homosexual hair

We ought to be partying not fighting

We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas - The Simpsons

You underestimate my power

Kiss the best way to shut a girl up

Actually that was the sound of me eating spaghetti

Doctor Ross Geller

How often have you drove past a fire and thought "how can this benefit me?"

Do not read the next sentence

Get rich or drunk trying

So far so good sorta

u smell like dog poo

Why would you do that? - Ross

Johnny Tightlips - The Simpsons

Sitting in a tree

Saw Inception or at least I dreamt I did - The Office

In Real Life There Is No Algebra

This is so 1991 - The Simpsons

What was it Shakespeare said? - He said a lot of things Jeremy

You familiar with that face?

I relish your wit

Here's to respecting women

Sleeping alone is a waste of my sexual talent

Dreams don't work unless you do

I know you can read my thoughts, boy - Meow meow meow - The Simpsons

Who is Homer? - My name is Guy Incognito - The Simpsons

I'm funny right? What do you know? You're a door

Life is like math

You dumped a porn star? - Friendship over!

Sir, you're making a scene - Homer Simpson

Men are like plants

Animal Hospital - The animals are the patients - Community

I love a good nap

Please kindly go away I'm introverting

You-are-gay - Uruguay - Homer Simpson

What position is this? - The American Taxpayer - The Simpsons

Poop backwards is poop

I'm sensitive - Bart Simpson

Silence and Money

I'm not punk bitch

You can't live a positive life with a negative mind

I am so angry

Listen and Believe

The sea was angry that day my friends - Seinfeld

Regret

To poor decisions - The Simpsons

dat holy ass

(speaking penguinese)

You respect dibs don't you?

Been there regretted that

I'm a sign not a cop - Simpsons

Being an adult is terrible

Her name is The Barefoot Contessa