Drug-addled candor - Sheldon

I only have time for coffee - Twin Peaks

Wow we really are bitches

My anxieties have anxieties

I'm not punk bitch

Congratulations universe you win - The Office

I am serious and don't call me Shirley

I'm a locksmith

To poor decisions - The Simpsons

You familiar with that face?

Polish Hip Hop Playing

You're the judge - No I'm a bowl of fruit

Pool Sharks - Simpsons

Wifi, coffee, my bed - Perfection

Unicorn - Michael Scott

I only logged on Facebook today to see who is driving the drama bus

I am not nice

Stop dating my mother - The Office

Seriously all you do is bitch

That sad moment when you realize the trash goes out more than you

Gay Interest - The Simpsons

Your boobs are dead

Men are dirt!

Recognize Missouri - Grampa Simpson

I'm just normal functioning member of the human race

Be cool

Silence is better that bullshit

What you read it's true - I'm a bitch

For once maybe someone will call me "sir" without adding "You're making a sence" - Homer Simpson

People what a bunch of bastards

Don't kid yourself, Jimmy - Simpsons

I always carry knife in my purse in case of cheesecake

The holy fuckin' bible son

Some vanilla bullshit latte cappa thing

Marge it's 3 am, shouldn't you be baking - The Simpsons

You didn't cry when Babmi's mother died?

Sometimes I have inside jokes with myself

[chuckles uncomfortably]

I hate you!

To start press any key - The Simpsons

To heal the wound you must stop touching it

I heard some guy said - Homer Simpson

In Real Life There Is No Algebra

Machine Gun Fire Like Laugher

It's a beautiful day

It's a great day for being sad

Take me Garth

Run DOS Run - The Simpsons

Sitting in a tree

I sing way too much for someone who can't sing

If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job

I did it to be amazing

Sometimes all you need is 500 million dollars

Life is hard, right? - Wrong! Life is easy! You suck

I fucking trusted you

Try not to be a cunt - The Buddha

You're like a blackjack dealer at the flavor town casino

El Barto is very fucking real

My fear is that PMS doesn't exist

These girls belong to me

The best view comes after the hardest climb

Find Balance

All I know how to do is take off my clothes

I'm a sign not a cop - Simpsons

I'm sensitive - Bart Simpson

What was it Shakespeare said? - He said a lot of things Jeremy

High as a kite

My boss told me to have a good day so I went home

I'm not mature enough for this

IDGAF = I don't give away food

It's a fashion risk but I like it

Listen and Believe

Follow your dreams - Doge

Wow we really are bitches

So you're one of those "don't call me a chick" chicks? - The Simpsons

By the way I faked every orgasm

Please don't tell anyone how I live - The SImpsons

[doesn't give a single fuck about your opinion in spanish]

Who says the nights are for sleeping?

The sea was angry that day my friends - Seinfeld

My job here is done - But you didn't do anything

Working on a Saturday

Look look everyone! This is so funny!

Super Nintendo Chalmers

I love inside jokes - Love to be a part of one someday - The Office

[stares in japanese]

48 episodes later - The Simpsons

i'm always one step ahead like carpenter that makes stairs

Sneed's Feed and Seed - Simpsons

Marge it's 3am shouldn't you be baking? - The SImpsons

Silence and Money

Do wasps make honey?

Realize how blessed you are

I like the cut of your jib - Simpsons

I completely agree with myself

I have to go before I put your head through a wall

Look at me - I'm captain now

We're all homos - Homo sapiens - The Office

I want to destroy the white devil

The evil queens are the princesses that were never saved

A man's gotta eat - Trailer Park Boys