I must have like fallen on a bullet

Hooked on a feline - Simpsons

You guys from Florida?

Sometimes I have inside jokes with myself

El Barto - El Homo

I'm sick of trying to be perfect

Animal Hospital - The animals are the patients - Community

Springfield Sperm Bank - Simpsons

The world's first two story out-house

The body doesn't know

I'm saving my virginity for divorce

You don't call retard people retard - Michael Scott

Turn Your Wounds Into Wisdom

Don't look at me

I've had it with you

Machine Gun Fire Like Laugher

Too many assholes not enough bullets

We ought to be partying not fighting

I'm not indecisive - I just can't decide

I am not nice

Look at me I'm a grad student - The Simpsons

48 episodes later - The Simpsons

I'm married - I can wear whatever I want

I love quotes

Saw Inception or at least I dreamt I did - The Office

I wonder if the dog thought about us while we're gone

Soulmate: someone who is happy to eat the pizza toppings you don't like

My anxieties have anxieties

God thanks for nothing - Bart Simpson

I only have time for coffee - Twin Peaks

Polish Hip Hop Playing

Johnny Tightlips - The Simpsons

Ralph you're not a kangaroo

No I cannot kill you today I have pilates

You look very rich in that - Thanks

I'm not a slut but who knows?

I can fix that

Dreams don't work unless you do

I hope everyone loves my blog this week

The center of a donut is 100% fat free

I'm just feel like I'm not being heard

Drink Your Problems Away

You're too easily offended - I can't believe you just said that

Chicken Nuggets is like my family

He's so hot I have to kill him

Oh my gosh! Look! It's food!

I should not have poured wine in my cereal this morning

I hate the idea that someone out there hates me - The Office

A man with dreams needs a woman with vision

Congratulations universe you win - The Office

No Soliciting

I wanna go back in mommy - Ralph Wiggum

I heard some guy said - Homer Simpson

Hey I cook! - Offering people gum is not cooking

What position is this? - The American Taxpayer - The Simpsons

Dishes! We meet again you dirty bastards!

69 - The Office

Drug-addled candor - Sheldon

U-R-Gay - The Simpsons

I did it to be amazing

[judges you in Spanish]

Sometimes all you need is 500 million dollars

I hate when people remember my name - Because then it's like I'm supposed to remember their name

Ross: You are both so lucky

Camera phone - Autograph of 21th century

Everybody's getting some but me

Silence and Money

By the way I faked every orgasm

My plan was to marry rich and then stop working

You dumped a porn star? - Friendship over!

Super Nintendo Chalmers

You underestimate my power

Are you trying to seduce me?

I hate men but I'm not a lesbian

OK less gay

Marketing - Homer Simpson

I need a hug...e bottle of wine

People say "money doesn't grow on trees"

You'll never forget to turn off the oven if you never turn it on

Would I rather be feared or loved?

Who is Homer? - My name is Guy Incognito - The Simpsons

Marge it's 3am shouldn't you be baking? - The SImpsons

Could you speak up? I'm not wearing pants

I'm dying

I am the most offended by the easily offended

I was born in the wrong generation

Dad do you wear boxers or briefs? - No - The Simpsons

Straight Outta Shape

The Springfield Police have told me that 91% of all traffic accidents are caused by you six guys - The Simpsons

Why can't women parallel park?

Look look everyone! This is so funny!

Because I have a masters degree in fierce

I'm so happy and not at all jelous

My Diabolical Plan - Dwight Schrute

I'm tired of this bullshit - Lisa Simpson

I don't think I feel well

A man's gotta eat - Trailer Park Boys

You alone? Almost always - Arrested Development

What is it asshole day?

You familiar with that face?

People who use a lot of swear words