Cigarette? - Yes, I know

When a pregnant woman swims she is a human submarine

I miss my pre-internet brain

I've had it with you

First I drink the coffee then I do the things

Please kindly go away I'm introverting

48 episodes later - The Simpsons

I love inside jokes - Love to be a part of one someday - The Office

I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight - The Big Bang Theory

Rich Bitch - Homer Simpson

Elephant Child Born

Straight Outta Shape

Didn't you read Lords of the ring in high school?

Men are dirt!

Fuck Your Guns

Ernie how do I look? - With your eyes Bert

Stinking fish realty - Simpsons

I'm funny right? What do you know? You're a door

I must have like fallen on a bullet - The Simpsons

Yoga? Isn't that a cult?

Talk means trouble - Don't talk

But my mom says I'm cool - Milhouse Van Houten - The Simpsons

[screams internally]

Sometimes I have inside jokes with myself

His problem is he is an asshole

I'm multi slacking today

Yessica it's like Jessica but ethnic

u smell like dog poo

When we don't know who to hate we hate ourselves

Don't even care

Look at me I'm a grad student - The Simpsons

By the way I faked every orgasm

What you read it's true - I'm a bitch

Pants? You mean leg prisons

Owning your okayness - The Simpsons

Am I perfect? - Yes I am

For once maybe someone will call me "sir" without adding "You're making a sence" - Homer Simpson

You have homosexual hair

I'm so happy you're eating again

Stop dating my mother

Hillary's husband

Thank you, alcohol

If you're happy and you know it - thats a sin - The Simpsons

Natural light! Get it off me! - The Simpsons

If you fall - I'll be there - Floor

The Springfield Police have told me that 91% of all traffic accidents are caused by you six guys - The Simpsons

You respect dibs don't you?

I was working on a flat tax proposal and I accidentally proved there's no God - Homer Simpson

What is the national language of the United States? - Third grade english

A little saucy, A little too saucy

I've wasted my whole dang-diddly life - Flanders

Bonjour Bitch

To heal the wound you must stop touching it

Find Balance

Springfield Psychiatric Center

It's actually whipped cocaine

Springfield Christian School - Simpsons

How exciting another closed door

Your tears say more than real evidence ever could

Congratulations universe you win - The Office

Do not touch WIlly - The Simpsons

Live each day like it was your last - The Simpsons

What would you like bitch? - Paris Hilton

How often have you drove past a fire and thought "how can this benefit me?"

[graduates in Spanish]

Don't kid yourself, Jimmy - Simpsons

He's so hot I have to kill him

Dreams don't work unless you do

Morningwood Penitentiary - Simpsons

I should not have poured wine in my cereal this morning

Fuck Normality

Melon Collie - The Simpsons

I hope everyone loves my blog this week

Take me Garth

Ross doing his "watching tv"

Take me out of what?

(speaking penguinese)

We're not only proud about that, we're smug about it

I have an art blog

Soulmate: someone who is happy to eat the pizza toppings you don't like

I'm a sign not a cop - Simpsons

(japanese pop music plays)

a cup of galaxy

Twinkle twinkle little star point me to the nearest bar

Get me a vodka rocks - Arrested Development

Lost Child - No Reward - Milhouse Van Houten - The Simpsons

She was a lawyer he was a sandwich

I finally bought myself a Plasma TV

I'm just normal functioning member of the human race

The Calzones betrayed me

Silly girl - He doesn't care

How the fuck can a peanut kill someone, it's not even a person

The best view comes after the hardest climb

Local Man Thinks Wrestling is Real

Working on a Saturday

Keep Calm and Burn Everything

I'm not punk bitch

Can't you just kind of fuck off?

Before calling me ask yourself - Is this textable?

Men are like plants

Jim, I'm not easy to manage