Find Balance

That sad moment when you realize the trash goes out more than you

Purple stuff inside donut is a fruit - The Simpsons

I am so excited I may vomit

I've wasted my whole dang-diddly life - Flanders

Been there regretted that

Tear the bitch apart

I'm alone and I love it

I noticed you're wearing open-toed shoes - Since when did you become a whore? - Dwight Schrute

[doesn't give a single fuck about your opinion in spanish]

Need motivation to lose weight? - Just eat in front of mirror naked

You're like a blackjack dealer at the flavor town casino

I can't believe you came

I love a good nap

Kids! They grow up so fast, they move out so slow

Someone's gonna end up crying. Probably me.

I bring you love - Break it's legs - The Simpsons

49 stars on that flag

69 - The Office

[kills you in Spanish]

I don't feel right - Ralph Wiggum

When we don't know who to hate we hate ourselves

My anxieties have anxieties

I am the mack daddy

So far so good sorta

Silly girl - He doesn't care

Marge it's 3 am, shouldn't you be baking - The Simpsons

Would a coward have this?

These girls belong to me

Ross doing his "watching tv"

In Real Life There Is No Algebra

Summer is awful

Too sad to walk - Homer Simpson

Pizza dammit! Get pizza!

[screams internally]

Hooked on a feline - Simpsons

My job here is done - But you didn't do anything

One, two, three - The Office

I'm not punk bitch

Stop dating my mother

Springfield Psychiatric Center

Love is caring for each other even when you're angry

Do not touch WIlly - The Simpsons

I wanna go back in mommy - Ralph Wiggum

We're basically just a cucumbers with anxiety

What is it asshole day?

Silence is sometimes the best answer

Try not to be a cunt - The Buddha

Saw Inception or at least I dreamt I did - The Office

No, thats just what they'll be expecting us to do

I'm actually not funny - I'm just mean and people think I'm joking

What you read it's true - I'm a bitch

What is the national language of the United States? - Third grade english

Who says the nights are for sleeping?

Chicken Nuggets is like my family

People who use a lot of swear words

Look look everyone! This is so funny!

The evil queens are the princesses that were never saved

Lost Child - No Reward - Milhouse Van Houten - The Simpsons

Look at me I'm a grad student - The Simpsons

Last name Jass, first name Hugh - Simspsons

It's a beautiful day

You're the judge - No I'm a bowl of fruit

I made me laugh

You're too easily offended - I can't believe you just said that

You didn't cry when Babmi's mother died?

This is uncool - X-Files

I have no words to describe this day

TGIF

I want to destroy the white devil

Too many assholes not enough bullets

A man with dreams needs a woman with vision

Stop dating my mother - The Office

I already won the lottery - I was born in the USA

Life is like math

Stinking fish realty - Simpsons

I just really wanna be fucked

I miss my pre-internet brain

Yoga? Isn't that a cult?

[gasps in spanish]

Wish you were here

Keep Calm and Burn Everything

Every day is like Halloween

Johnny Tightlips - The Simpsons

The Calzones betrayed me

Cradle of Filth I presume that's a band - IT Crowd

Thank you, alcohol

You can't live a positive life with a negative mind

Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!

I am serious and don't call me Shirley

Could you speak up? I'm not wearing pants

Men are dirt!

I know you can read my thoughts, boy - Meow meow meow - The Simpsons

Me overweight mom dresses too sexy

Melon Collie - The Simpsons

I like being alone too much

I love you - Thank you

I am so angry

You-are-gay - Uruguay - Homer Simpson

Child Psychiatrist - Simpsons

What would you like bitch? - Paris Hilton