Here's to respecting women

[chuckles uncomfortably]

Thank you, alcohol

Last name Jazz. First name Hugh - The Simpsons

I've wasted my whole dang-diddly life - Flanders

Now I have to face stupid reality again - Simpsons

I must have like fallen on a bullet

Come on Scully it'll be a nice trip to the forest

My anxieties have anxieties

What is it asshole day?

I'm not mature enough for this

You dumped a porn star? - Friendship over!

Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic - The Simpsons

I heard some guy said - Homer Simpson

Stop dating my mother - The Office

Pants? You mean leg prisons

When a pregnant woman swims she is a human submarine

Don't look at me

49 stars on that flag

Dreams don't work unless you do

God took me into his hands and says yo Kanye

Oh my God he's online. Can he see me?

The world's first two story out-house

Can I have some? - The Simpsons

We have unlimited juice?

Funny Dog To Make Life Worthwhile - Simpsons

But my mom says I'm cool - Milhouse Van Houten - The Simpsons

Go buy yourself some more money

I'll be back - Judge Dredd

So you're one of those "don't call me a chick" chicks? - The Simpsons

I did it to be amazing

Ross doing his "watching tv"

This isn't gonna be about Jesus, is it? - The Simpsons

Ernest goes somewhere cheap - Simpsons

It's like a sauna in here

Some vanilla bullshit latte cappa thing

Put the mind control into the country music

I was working on a flat tax proposal and I accidentally proved there's no God - Homer Simpson

Because I have a masters degree in fierce

Meow

Your art was the prettiest art of all the art

I can't read suddenly - I don't know

I'm married - I can wear whatever I want

No smoking in bars what's next?

Morningwood Penitentiary - Simpsons

Silence is better than bullshit

Dyslexia for cure found

People what a bunch of bastards

I hate my life - Fry

Every day is like Halloween

I love you - Thank you

First I drink the coffee then I do the things

[crowd booing]

In Real Life There Is No Algebra

Poop my pants - The Office

I'm not punk bitch

Natural light! Get it off me! - The Simpsons

I've destroyed my life

I wonder if the dog thought about us while we're gone

What kind of slut are you?

Try not to be a cunt - The Buddha

Every time a couple gets married two single people die

Starbucks - Simpsons

It's called satchel - Indiana Jones wears one

Are you gonna argue with caps? - The Simpsons

Reverend Lovejoy pizza delivery

Drug-addled candor - Sheldon

Here's a job I can do - Police seek third gunman

We're old enough to smell bad

A man's gotta eat - Trailer Park Boys

[softly] Don't - Michael Scott (The Office)

Why can't I marry this pie?

Jim, I'm not easy to manage

So you've decided to steal cable

Dr. Nick

Fight the power - Simpsons

Take me Garth

Too sad to walk - Homer Simpson

200 channels and nothing but cats

Jolly Gummibears

What were you so sad about?

You're the judge - No I'm a bowl of fruit

I noticed you're wearing open-toed shoes - Since when did you become a whore? - Dwight Schrute

By the way I faked every orgasm

IDGAF - I don't give away food

I've had it with you

A man with dreams needs a woman with vision

Twinkle twinkle little star point me to the nearest bar

It's a great day for being sad

Rich Bitch - Homer Simpson

Men are like plants

You can't have any fun in bed - The Simpsons

I was born in the wrong generation

Straight Outta Shape

Meanwhile, in the middle of nowhere

Fuck Normality

We ought to be partying not fighting

I am the mack daddy

Wow we really are bitches

Silence is better that bullshit

You have homosexual hair