Need motivation to lose weight? - Just eat in front of mirror naked

I relish your wit

Hey I cook! - Offering people gum is not cooking

Straight Outta Shape

Too sad to walk - Homer Simpson

Be cool

Unisex - Joey Tribbiani

What was it Shakespeare said? - He said a lot of things Jeremy

To start press any key - The Simpsons

Local Man Thinks Wrestling is Real

[gets shot in spanish]

Sir, you're making a scene - Homer Simpson

I love you to, Daddy

More that broken, he's alone

I can't stand the sound of the human voice

I finally bought myself a Plasma TV

Don't ever call me that - The Simpsons

IDGAF - I don't give away food

Chicken Nuggets is like my family

Who is Homer? - My name is Guy Incognito - The Simpsons

I just had the most beautiful dream where I died - Apu

Look everyone! This is so funny!

I like being alone too much

So some penguins turn to a life of crime

Congratulations universe you win - The Office

When we don't know who to hate we hate ourselves

[graduates in Spanish]

Now entering Winnipeg

Realize how blessed you are

I fucking trusted you

Marge it's 3am shouldn't you be baking? - The SImpsons

We're all homos - Homo sapiens - The Office

By the way I faked every orgasm

Dyslexia for cure found

El Barto - El Homo

These girls belong to me

My anxieties have anxieties

What would you like bitch? - Paris Hilton

I so need lessons from you on how to be cool

I'm sensitive - Bart Simpson

I like the cut of your jib - Simpsons

Miley, what's good?

Super Nintendo Chalmers

I am so angry

I am the mack daddy

Messy top, tidy bottom

I wonder if the dog thought about us while we're gone

In Real Life There Is No Algebra

Oh my gosh! Look! It's food!

Oh my God he's online. Can he see me?

Silence is better that bullshit

I'm alone and I love it

We're old enough to smell bad

I am so excited I may vomit

I'm not like most girls?

Stoner's Pot Palace - Simpsons

You're like a blackjack dealer at the flavor town casino

It's a fashion risk but I like it

Actually that was the sound of me eating spaghetti

Parent teacher night - Let's share the blame - Simpsons

Pippety poppety give me the zoppety

Seriously all you do is bitch

Run DOS Run - The Simpsons

Sometimes I have inside jokes with myself

Ernie how do I look? - With your eyes Bert

I already won the lottery - I was born in the USA

Am I perfect? - Yes I am

People what a bunch of bastards

Men are dirt!

You're too easily offended - I can't believe you just said that

You're worth it

Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!

Every time a couple gets married two single people die

My ideal girl is a female who is interested in men

You don't call retard people retard - Michael Scott

I've wasted my whole dang-diddly life - Flanders

Saying Goodbye Is The Most Painful Way Of Solving A Problem

A man's gotta eat - Trailer Park Boys

The best view comes after the hardest climb

All I know how to do is take off my clothes

Springfield Christian School - Simpsons

You didn't cry when Babmi's mother died?

dat holy ass

A UFO party

Why would religions lie? What would they have to gain? - The Simpsons

Defference between puppet and muppet

You been drinking drugs?

I consider myself a professional masturbator

Pizza dammit! Get pizza!

I've had it with you

It's a Sunday. I don't move on Sundays

Melon Collie - The Simpsons

Thank God it's over - Chief Wiggum

Do wasps make honey?

Small breasts should be called petits

You don't call retarded people retards it's a bad taste - You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded - The Office

Talk means trouble - Don't talk

Wine in my cereal

(speaking penguinese)

Please kindly go away I'm introverting

Would a coward have this?