Ralph you're not a kangaroo

Please don't speak to me while I'm not listening

Thinking isn't going to get us anywhere

You dumped a porn star? - Friendship over!

My boss told me to have a good day so I went home

I must have like fallen on a bullet - The Simpsons

What would you like bitch? - Paris Hilton

[screams internally]

It's a fashion risk but I like it

My ideal girl is a female who is interested in men

The best view comes after the hardest climb

Why would religions lie? What would they have to gain? - The Simpsons

Last name Jass, first name Hugh - Simspsons

Rakes my old arch-enemy

I can't believe you came

I noticed you're wearing open-toed shoes - Since when did you become a whore? - Dwight Schrute

Be cool

Do wasps make honey?

Sometimes all you need is 500 million dollars

Hello 911? How are you?

Take me out of what?

[regrets prior life choices]

I'm alone and I love it

Get Lost

It's never too early for ice cream, Jim

Owning your okayness - The Simpsons

They could deep-fry my shirt - The Simpsons

I'm not punk bitch

Sometimes I have inside jokes with myself

My anxieties have anxieties

48 episodes later - The Simpsons

In Real Life There Is No Algebra

Actually that was the sound of me eating spaghetti

If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job

I hope everyone loves my blog this week

I must have like fallen on a bullet

Give me a million dollars or I'll bash you - The Simpsons

We're all homos - Homo sapiens - The Office

Plastic surgery center - Simpsons

Men are dirt!

And I will try to fix you

I'm a level 5 vegan - I won't eat anything that casts a shadow - The Simpsons

This is the lake - The Office

Now I have to face stupid reality again - Simpsons

To heal the wound you must stop touching it

Come on Scully it'll be a nice trip to the forest

I hate you!

By the way I faked every orgasm

Small breasts should be called petits

I'm not like most girls?

[doesn't give a single fuck about your opinion in spanish]

Wow, I have a lot of people to disappoint

Now entering Winnipeg

Who says the nights are for sleeping?

I so need lessons from you on how to be cool

Is there life after birth?

You're worth it

I hate when people remember my name - Because then it's like I'm supposed to remember their name

Love is caring for each other even when you're angry

Everybody's getting some but me

So far so good sorta

Why would you do that? - Ross

Jim tell him where he can stick his grapes

I love a good nap

You're a bad habit

Life is like math

All artists tend to be a bit weird

I only logged on Facebook today to see who is driving the drama bus

Bonjour Bitch

Justin - Zach interview

I relish your wit

Doctor Ross Geller

I have no words to describe this day

I don't like you I just want to have sex with you

Dishes! We meet again you dirty bastards!

Put the mind control into the country music

She was a lawyer he was a sandwich

I can't read suddenly - I don't know

Silence is sometimes the best answer

Scissor me - The Office

Please don't tell anyone how I live - The SImpsons

I am so angry

Seems, I'm full of rage

I only lied because it was the easiest way - Bart Simpson

I hate other people's love - Homer Simpson

Can I have permission to say "Hell Yeah"?

Me overweight mom dresses too sexy

Wine in my cereal

U2 moving crew - Simpsons

I hate my life - Fry

One, two, three - The Office

Polish Hip Hop Playing

I'm funny right? What do you know? You're a door

Silence and Money

You don't call retarded people retards it's a bad taste - You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded - The Office

You're pretty much my most favorite of all time in the history of ever

I'm this close to loosing my shit

Sad Girls Club

Wow we really are bitches

Talk to the woman and you'll realize you have nothing in common

IDGAF - I don't give away food