Wish you were here

I only lied because it was the easiest way - Bart Simpson

The holy fuckin' bible son

I noticed you're wearing open-toed shoes - Since when did you become a whore? - Dwight Schrute

I need a hug...e bottle of wine

Jolly Gummibears

We're basically just a cucumbers with anxiety

Walking sucks

The center of a donut is 100% fat free

Me overweight mom dresses too sexy

Dildo - The original selfie stick

hey potato chips come out I want to eat you

Why can't I marry this pie?

[doesn't give a single fuck about your opinion in spanish]

First I drink the coffee then I do the things

The best view comes after the hardest climb

I'm a locksmith

You dumped a porn star? - Friendship over!

You been drinking drugs?

Everybody's getting some but me

I'm just normal functioning member of the human race

Wow we really are bitches

I don't give a fucker

The evil queens are the princesses that were never saved

After eating all day I could use some food

Meanwhile, in the middle of nowhere

Just because you're a lesbian, it doesn't make you less of a bein - The Simpsons

I was born in the wrong generation

So you're one of those "don't call me a chick" chicks? - The Simpsons

It's actually whipped cocaine

I'm saving my virginity for divorce

69 - The Office

Turn Your Wounds Into Wisdom

If you want to be happy - Don't think

Party Hardy it's Friday

Congratulations universe you win - The Office

And I will try to fix you

I've made a huge mistake

Too sad to walk - Homer Simpson

Unflattering test results

Here's a job I can do - Police seek third gunman

Why would religions lie? What would they have to gain? - The Simpsons

Find Balance

I'm ok, honest

Bort Simpson

(japanese pop music plays)

What is the national language of the United States? - Third grade english

I love quotes

I consider myself a professional masturbator

Her name is The Barefoot Contessa

You didn't cry when Babmi's mother died?

No I cannot kill you today I have pilates

It's never too early for ice cream, Jim

[gasps in spanish]

Natural light! Get it off me! - The Simpsons

I can't believe you came

No smoking in bars what's next?

Drug-addled candor - Sheldon

Yessica it's like Jessica but ethnic

We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas - The Simpsons

Can't they get a pole for that sign? - Simpsons

Pippety poppety give me the zoppety

Pants? You mean leg prisons

People what a bunch of bastards

Sometimes I have inside jokes with myself

The first thing you need to know is that the Intenet is amazing

u smell like dog poo

Bonjour Bitch

Dyslexia for cure found

I'm married - I can wear whatever I want

Sir, you're making a scene - Homer Simpson

I've wasted my whole dang-diddly life - Flanders

El Barto is very fucking real

But I want to hurt people, not animals

I love inside jokes - Love to be a part of one someday - The Office

I have no words to describe this day

I am serious and don't call me Shirley

I miss my pre-internet brain

Polish Hip Hop Playing

In Real Life There Is No Algebra

I am so angry

You familiar with that face?

Can I have permission to say "Hell Yeah"?

Stinking fish realty - Simpsons

Can't they get a pole for that sign? - Simpsons

Do your people even celebrate Thanksgiving? - We did, Once.

Unisex - Joey Tribbiani

I'm still cold - Abe Simpson

More that broken, he's alone

[sobbing mathematically]

Silence is better that bullshit

I'm sorry we don't have your sheep

The world's first two story out-house

Poop my pants - The Office

Need motivation to lose weight? - Just eat in front of mirror naked

Come on Scully it'll be a nice trip to the forest

My plan was to marry rich and then stop working

Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic - The Simpsons

How often have you drove past a fire and thought "how can this benefit me?"

Please don't tell anyone how I live - The SImpsons

Could you speak up? I'm not wearing pants