My plan was to marry rich and then stop working

Starbucks - Simpsons

Drink Your Problems Away

I'm a locksmith

I don't like you I just want to have sex with you

We're old enough to smell bad

I bring you love - Break it's legs - The Simpsons

I told her the only thing

Pippety poppety give me the zoppety

What is the national language of the United States? - Third grade english

What were you so sad about?

I am so excited I may vomit

These girls belong to me

Turn Your Wounds Into Wisdom

Stay back, slut

This isn't gonna be about Jesus, is it? - The Simpsons

Well one of us has to change

What position is this? - The American Taxpayer - The Simpsons

Pool Sharks - Simpsons

So it was you who made the floor slippery

I'm married - I can wear whatever I want

Polish Hip Hop Playing

[screams internally]

Can I have some? - The Simpsons

Pants? You mean leg prisons

Saying Goodbye Is The Most Painful Way Of Solving A Problem

Ralph you're not a kangaroo

Sitting in a tree

Melon Collie - The Simpsons

I'm ok, honest

Whoa that lady swallowed a baby - Dr. Nick Riviera

Now I have to face stupid reality again - Simpsons

Sometimes I have inside jokes with myself

Oh my God he's online. Can he see me?

A little saucy, A little too saucy

The sea was angry that day my friends - Seinfeld

I love a good nap

I need a hug...e bottle of wine

Ventura? Yes Satan?

Fuck distance

Here's a job I can do - Police seek third gunman

We're not only proud about that, we're smug about it

Marge it's 3 am, shouldn't you be baking - The Simpsons

Wow we really are bitches

Cradle of Filth I presume that's a band - IT Crowd

Do your people even celebrate Thanksgiving? - We did, Once.

Why must I be so voluptuous? - The Simpsons

I can fix that

Funny Dog To Make Life Worthwhile - Simpsons

Someone's gonna end up crying. Probably me.

[graduates in Spanish]

If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job

I thrive off negativity

Stinking fish realty - Simpsons

Twinkle twinkle little star point me to the nearest bar

I'm this close to loosing my shit

Unisex - Joey Tribbiani

At least you tried - The Simpsons

i'm going to kill that whore

Can I have permission to say "Hell Yeah"?

Seriously all you do is bitch

I'm not punk bitch

How often have you drove past a fire and thought "how can this benefit me?"

I must have like fallen on a bullet

I was working on a flat tax proposal and I accidentally proved there's no God - Homer Simpson

I hate men but I'm not a lesbian

Some vanilla bullshit latte cappa thing

You familiar with that face?

People what a bunch of bastards

People who use a lot of swear words

Everybody's getting some but me

Talk to the woman and you'll realize you have nothing in common

Wish you were here

Whay am I even alive?

I already won the lottery - I was born in the USA

I noticed you're wearing open-toed shoes - Since when did you become a whore? - Dwight Schrute

Apart from sleeping I'm always on the internet

Are you trying to seduce me?

So you're one of those "don't call me a chick" chicks? - The Simpsons

Silence and Money

I can't stand the sound of the human voice

I sing way too much for someone who can't sing

El Barto is very fucking real

Chill, Homie. You need to let that shit go - Buddha

Need motivation to lose weight? - Just eat in front of mirror naked

Who will love you? Who will fight?

I'm not indecisive - I just can't decide

Ernest goes somewhere cheap - Simpsons

I got nothing to lose

I love you to, Daddy

High as a kite

Unicorn - Michael Scott

Am I perfect? - Yes I am

Morningwood Penitentiary - Simpsons

Sometimes I need to be alone with my music

Local Man Thinks Wrestling is Real

I always carry knife in my purse in case of cheesecake

I hate when people remember my name - Because then it's like I'm supposed to remember their name

How exciting another closed door

Working on a Saturday

Are you gonna argue with caps? - The Simpsons