I don't do well in situations

[sobbing mathematically]

Everyone sucks but me

Mom and Pop hardware - Simpsons

Drug-addled candor - Sheldon

Silence and Money

If you're thinking what I'm thinking you need professional help

I heard that, you bitch

What position is this? - The American Taxpayer - The Simpsons

It's a Sunday. I don't move on Sundays

hey potato chips come out I want to eat you

I hate men but I'm not a lesbian

Your art was the prettiest art of all the art

Go buy yourself some more money

I am so excited I may vomit

Ross doing his "watching tv"

The best view comes after the hardest climb

My anxieties have anxieties

The Springfield Police have told me that 91% of all traffic accidents are caused by you six guys - The Simpsons

Machine Gun Fire Like Laugher

Too many assholes not enough bullets

You dumped a porn star? - Friendship over!

Kiss the best way to shut a girl up

Someone will die - Of fun

Marge it's 3 am, shouldn't you be baking - The Simpsons

I only lied because it was the easiest way - Bart Simpson

You're worth it

Life is like math

Working on a Saturday

[graduates in Spanish]

First I drink the coffee then I do the things

Why can't women parallel park?

dat holy ass

Funny Dog To Make Life Worthwhile - Simpsons

Sometimes I have inside jokes with myself

We're all homos - Homo sapiens - The Office

Love is caring for each other even when you're angry

We're old enough to smell bad

The holy fuckin' bible son

What the hell was that? - Krusty the Clown

Yoga? Isn't that a cult?

The worst day of your life so far - Simpsons

Apart from sleeping I'm always on the internet

Animal Hospital - The animals are the patients - Community

Purple stuff inside donut is a fruit - The Simpsons

I'm in no condition to drive - I shouldn't listen myself I'm drunk - Homer Simpson

Seems, I'm full of rage

[chuckles uncomfortably]

I'm just feel like I'm not being heard

Saying Goodbye Is The Most Painful Way Of Solving A Problem

I hate my life - Fry

Do not touch WIlly - The Simpsons

Grab that little hoe

Europe puts Greece on ebay

Now I have to face stupid reality again - Simpsons

Why would you do that? - Ross

I'm so happy and not at all jelous

You're basic

Dreams don't work unless you do

Springfield Sperm Bank - Simpsons

El Barto is very fucking real

[onlookers booing]

i've made my choice - Homer

You-are-gay - Uruguay - Homer Simpson

My job here is done - But you didn't do anything

Yessica it's like Jessica but ethnic

Justin - Zach interview

Ventura? Yes Satan?

The body doesn't know

I'm a locksmith

Please don't tell anyone how I live - The Simpsons

I wonder if the dog thought about us while we're gone

Realize how blessed you are

Sleeping alone is a waste of my sexual talent

You don't call retard people retard - Michael Scott

You familiar with that face?

You're like a blackjack dealer at the flavor town casino

Take me out of what?

Well one of us has to change

I made me laugh

Me overweight mom dresses too sexy

I completely agree with myself

[thinks of daddy in Spanish]

Look at me I'm a grad student - The Simpsons

El Barto - El Homo - The Simpsons

Plastic surgery center - Simpsons

Drink Your Problems Away

The evil queens are the princesses that were never saved

People who use a lot of swear words

No I cannot kill you today I have pilates

I'm multi slacking today

I'm not anti-social - I'm anti-idiot

Meanwhile, in the middle of nowhere

I hate the idea that someone out there hates me - The Office

That is so gay - The Simpsons

Straight Outta Shape

I'm saving my virginity for divorce

The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink

If you fall - I'll be there - Floor

Thinking isn't going to get us anywhere

Stay back, slut