I hate men but I'm not a lesbian

Now I have to face stupid reality again - Simpsons

Live each day like it was your last - The Simpsons

A UFO party

It's called satchel - Indiana Jones wears one

Oh my gosh! Look! It's food!

I got nothing to lose

What were you so sad about?

Bonjour Bitch

Loud full-hearted bitching

My ideal girl is a female who is interested in men

Why would you do that? - Ross

I like the cut of your jib - Simpsons

The Springfield Police have told me that 91% of all traffic accidents are caused by you six guys - The Simpsons

You look very rich in that - Thanks

My plan was to marry rich and then stop working

I am not nice

We have unlimited juice?

Because I have a masters degree in fierce

I know you can read my thoughts, boy - Meow meow meow - The Simpsons

High as a kite

(japanese pop music plays)

Morningwood Penitentiary - Simpsons

Laughing - Crying

God took me into his hands and says yo Kanye

Congratulations universe you win - The Office

Ventura? Yes Satan?

I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight - The Big Bang Theory

I'm not anti-social - I'm anti-idiot

I am the mack daddy

You underestimate my power

[sobbing mathematically]

Look at me - I'm captain now

Who is Homer? - My name is Guy Incognito - The Simpsons

Your boobs are dead

My fear is that PMS doesn't exist

Marketing - Homer Simpson

Try not to be a cunt - The Buddha

Be inspired - Be inspiring

First I drink the coffee then I do the things

Justin - Zach interview

Don't kid yourself, Jimmy - Simpsons

The best view comes after the hardest climb

48 episodes later - The Simpsons

To start press any key - The Simpsons

You dumped a porn star? - Friendship over!

We're old enough to smell bad

This is so 1991 - The Simpsons

Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic - The Simpsons

Why can't I marry this pie?

You people have been blisters on my taint

Pants? You mean leg prisons

When a pregnant woman swims she is a human submarine

I hate my life - Fry

It's a Sunday. I don't move on Sundays

You been drinking drugs?

I so need lessons from you on how to be cool

Fuck Your Guns

So you've decided to steal cable

I am the most offended by the easily offended

Drug-addled candor - Sheldon

Too sad to walk - Homer Simpson

Doctor Ross Geller

My cat was right about you

My anxieties have anxieties

Don't look at me

What you read it's true - I'm a bitch

The evil queens are the princesses that were never saved

Party Hardy it's Friday

Marge it's 3am shouldn't you be baking? - The SImpsons

I'm actually not funny - I'm just mean and people think I'm joking

But my mom says I'm cool - Milhouse Van Houten - The Simpsons

What the hell was that? - Krusty the Clown

For once maybe someone will call me "sir" without adding "You're making a sence" - Homer Simpson

Dildo - The original selfie stick

Summer is awful

Last name Jass, first name Hugh - Simspsons

You alone? Almost always - Arrested Development

A man with dreams needs a woman with vision

Thank God it's over - Chief Wiggum

I can fix that

People are so fucking annoying

Unisex - Joey Tribbiani

You have homosexual hair

Sneed's Feed and Seed - Simpsons

Every day is like Halloween

Start with a compliment

Ralph you're not a kangaroo

A man's gotta eat - Trailer Park Boys

Soulmate: someone who is happy to eat the pizza toppings you don't like

El Barto - El Homo

I don't feel right - Ralph Wiggum

Jolly Gummibears

I noticed you're wearing open-toed shoes - Since when did you become a whore? - Dwight Schrute

Can I have some? - The Simpsons

Men are like plants

Do not read the next sentence

[thinks of daddy in Spanish]

Why must I be so voluptuous? - The Simpsons

I am so angry

The worst day of your life so far - Simpsons