Doctor Ross Geller

Your boobs are dead

Starbucks - Simpsons

I heard that, you bitch

A man with dreams needs a woman with vision

I've wasted my whole dang-diddly life - Flanders

OK less gay

Saying Goodbye Is The Most Painful Way Of Solving A Problem

I've destroyed my life

Hello 911? How are you?

No I cannot kill you today I have pilates

I told her the only thing

Chicken Nuggets is like my family

Take me out of what?

Hey I cook! - Offering people gum is not cooking

Life is like math

I love a good nap

Super Nintendo Chalmers

No smoking in bars what's next?

I love inside jokes - Love to be a part of one someday - The Office

[screams internally]

Try not to be a cunt - The Buddha

I finally bought myself a Plasma TV

We're not only proud about that, we're smug about it

Silence is better that bullshit

I got nothing to lose

The holy fuckin' bible son

[softly] Don't - Michael Scott (The Office)

So far so good sorta

[kills you in Spanish]

She was a lawyer he was a sandwich

Sad Girls Club

I just had the most beautiful dream where I died - Apu

Wish you were here

Can I have some? - The Simpsons

Is there life after birth?

I am so excited I may vomit

These girls belong to me

I'm this close to loosing my shit

I am not nice

Elephant Child Born

El Barto is very fucking real

I'm not like most girls?

Machine Gun Fire Like Laugher

Her name is The Barefoot Contessa

[ignores you in Spanish]

(japanese pop music plays)

Loud full-hearted bitching

I've made a huge mistake

Working on a Saturday

Laughing - Crying

I'm alone and I love it

Defference between puppet and muppet

Are you trying to seduce me?

Just because you're a lesbian, it doesn't make you less of a bein - The Simpsons

My anxieties have anxieties

How exciting another closed door

Life is hard, right? - Wrong! Life is easy! You suck

So it was you who made the floor slippery

Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic - The Simpsons

[crowd booing]

I wish I could be a cat

You respect dibs don't you?

And I will try to fix you

Sir, you're making a scene - Homer Simpson

I wonder what the non-pathetic people are doing tonight - The Big Bang Theory

I love you to, Daddy

I only have time for coffee - Twin Peaks

Come on Scully it'll be a nice trip to the forest

In Real Life There Is No Algebra

We have unlimited juice?

I'm actually not funny - I'm just mean and people think I'm joking

You don't call retarded people retards it's a bad taste - You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded - The Office

TGIF

Melon Collie - The Simpsons

Drug-addled candor - Sheldon

We ought to be partying not fighting

Don't kid yourself, Jimmy - Simpsons

Dr. Nick

I made me laugh

I have to go before I put your head through a wall

I made me laugh

I need a hug...e bottle of wine

Why must I be so voluptuous? - The Simpsons

Small breasts should be called petits

Wine in my cereal

So you're one of those "don't call me a chick" chicks? - The Simpsons

Kiss the best way to shut a girl up

I'm a good noodle

Dildo - The original selfie stick

Whay am I even alive?

Would a coward have this?

Walking sucks

We're basically just a cucumbers with anxiety

[onlookers booing]

Marketing - Homer Simpson

69 - The Office

Sleeping alone is a waste of my sexual talent

Sneed's Feed and Seed - Simpsons

IDGAF - I don't give away food

Oh my gosh! Look! It's food!