So some penguins turn to a life of crime

[gasps in spanish]

What is the national language of the United States? - Third grade english

You look very rich in that - Thanks

I only have time for coffee - Twin Peaks

I don't think I feel well

What position is this? - The American Taxpayer - The Simpsons

We have unlimited juice?

You people have been blisters on my taint

Someone's gonna end up crying. Probably me.

They could deep-fry my shirt - The Simpsons

I am not nice

I like the cut of your jib - Simpsons

You're worth it

You can't live a positive life with a negative mind

For once maybe someone will call me "sir" without adding "You're making a sence" - Homer Simpson

Springfield Christian School - Simpsons

I'm still cold - Abe Simpson

We're basically just a cucumbers with anxiety

Sir, you're making a scene - Homer Simpson

Here's a job I can do - Police seek third gunman

I hate my life - Fry

Ross doing his "watching tv"

I hate men but I'm not a lesbian

Are you gonna argue with caps? - The Simpsons

How exciting another closed door

gets shot in spanish

Last name Jazz. First name Hugh - The Simpsons

Dyslexia for cure found

U-R-Gay - The Simpsons

[regrets prior life choices]

Lost Child - No reward - Simpsons

I feel very welcome here

Marge it's 3am shouldn't you be baking? - The SImpsons

Pippety poppety give me the zoppety

Dr. Nick

Now entering Winnipeg

Run DOS Run - The Simpsons

Go buy yourself some more money

Metaphors? I hate metaphors

[crowd booing]

I'll be back - Judge Dredd

Stop dating my mother

For real

The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink

Working on a Saturday

This is just smoke and ash - Simpsons

Twinkle twinkle little star point me to the nearest bar

If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job

Die Bart Die

Do not read the next sentence

I'm multi slacking today

Meanwhile, in the middle of nowhere

Before calling me ask yourself - Is this textable?

Super Nintendo Chalmers

Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!

200 channels and nothing but cats

I am serious and don't call me Shirley

Chill, Homie. You need to let that shit go - Buddha

Because I have a masters degree in fierce

Are you trying to seduce me?

Who will love you? Who will fight?

Unicorn - Michael Scott

I hate other people's love - Homer Simpson

Start with a compliment

How the fuck can a peanut kill someone, it's not even a person

By the way I faked every orgasm

I'm saving my virginity for divorce

I love you to, Daddy

Can I have some? - The Simpsons

Wifi, coffee, my bed - Perfection

Drug-addled candor - Sheldon

El Barto - El Homo

I'm funny right? What do you know? You're a door

Would a coward have this?

Life is hard, right? - Wrong! Life is easy! You suck

I'm dying

How often have you drove past a fire and thought "how can this benefit me?"

I'm a locksmith

Morningwood Penitentiary - Simpsons

What were you so sad about?

I don't feel right - Ralph Wiggum

I love you - Thank you

Melon Collie - The Simpsons

I must have like fallen on a bullet - The Simpsons

Please kindly go away I'm introverting

First I drink the coffee then I do the things

Everyone sucks but me

Am I out of touch? - Skinner

Silence is sometimes the best answer

Keep Calm and Burn Everything

I can't believe you came

Stinking fish realty - Simpsons

I finally bought myself a Plasma TV

Oh my god! It's a flip phone!

Why can't I marry this pie?

I bring you love - Break it's legs - The Simpsons

My plan was to marry rich and then stop working

Silly girl - He doesn't care

My job here is done - But you didn't do anything

My anxieties have anxieties