My job here is done - But you didn't do anything

One, two, three - The Office

[chuckles uncomfortably]

I must have like fallen on a bullet

Bloodbath and Beyond Gun Shop

Why do we, as a society, hate old people so much? - Because they're lame - The Office

IDGAF = I don't give away food

I miss my pre-internet brain

Come on Scully it'll be a nice trip to the forest

Camera phone - Autograph of 21th century

Cigarette? - Yes, I know

Child Psychiatrist - Simpsons

If you fall - I'll be there - Floor

She was a lawyer he was a sandwich

All artists tend to be a bit weird

Working on a Saturday

Am I just an asshole? - South Park

I hate the public so much - Homer Simpson

Take me Garth

Do not read the next sentence

[gasps in spanish]

Fuck distance

Silence is better than bullshit

I have an art blog

You don't call retard people retard - Michael Scott

I thrive off negativity

Men are like plants

I told her the only thing

Can I have some? - The Simpsons

The evil queens are the princesses that were never saved

You kissed a girl - That is so gay - The SImpsons

I completely agree with myself

Owning your okayness - The Simpsons

My cat was right about you

You have homosexual hair

Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!

Can't you just kind of fuck off?

Marketing - Homer Simpson

I am so excited I may vomit

Why would religions lie? What would they have to gain? - The Simpsons

Stoner's Pot Palace - Simpsons

So you've decided to steal cable

Bort Simpson

Starbucks - Simpsons

So you're one of those "don't call me a chick" chicks? - The Simpsons

But my mom says I'm cool - Milhouse Van Houten - The Simpsons

I can't stand the sound of the human voice

It's a beautiful day

This is so 1991 - The Simpsons

I am serious and don't call me Shirley

I only have time for coffee - Twin Peaks

[regrets prior life choices]

I love a good nap

Who says the nights are for sleeping?

Last name Jazz. First name Hugh - The Simpsons

Wow, I have a lot of people to disappoint

Everyone sucks but me

Wow we really are bitches

I can't believe you came

Start with a compliment

Oh my God he's online. Can he see me?

Find Balance

I don't like you I just want to have sex with you

Erections today - Simpsons

Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic - The Simpsons

Run DOS Run - The Simpsons

In Real Life There Is No Algebra

By the way I faked every orgasm

Dildo - The original selfie stick

Wine in my cereal

I made me laugh

Too sad to walk - Homer Simpson

Need motivation to lose weight? - Just eat in front of mirror naked

[onlookers booing]

I must have like fallen on a bullet - The Simpsons

Thinking isn't going to get us anywhere

Get Lost

I just really wanna be fucked

The world's first two story out-house

That sad moment when you realize the trash goes out more than you

I already won the lottery - I was born in the USA

What position is this? - The American Taxpayer - The Simpsons

[graduates in Spanish]

Whoa that lady swallowed a baby - Dr. Nick Riviera

Springfield little league park - Simpsons

Take me out of what?

Twinkle twinkle little star point me to the nearest bar

I so need lessons from you on how to be cool

I am not nice

You can't live a positive life with a negative mind

If you want to be happy - Don't think

I love you to, Daddy

I was working on a flat tax proposal and I accidentally proved there's no God - Homer Simpson

I know you can read my thoughts, boy - Meow meow meow - The Simpsons

Natural light! Get it off me! - The Simpsons

Can't they get a pole for that sign? - Simpsons

Go buy yourself some more money

I love you - Thank you

Live each day like it was your last - The Simpsons

Don't ever call me that - The Simpsons

For real