I fucking trusted you

Jolly Gummibears

My job here is done - But you didn't do anything

i've made my choice - Homer

You look very rich in that - Thanks

You familiar with that face?

We're basically just a cucumbers with anxiety

What would you like bitch? - Paris Hilton

I must have like fallen on a bullet

[judges you in Spanish]

Here's to respecting women

How often have you drove past a fire and thought "how can this benefit me?"

Please don't tell anyone how I live - The SImpsons

I'm in no condition to drive - I shouldn't listen myself I'm drunk - Homer Simpson

Bonjour Bitch

It's never too early for ice cream, Jim

I did it to be amazing

Poop my pants - The Office

I'm actually not funny - I'm just mean and people think I'm joking

You dumped a porn star? - Friendship over!

Apart from sleeping I'm always on the internet

Jim, I'm not easy to manage

This is so 1991 - The Simpsons

My anxieties have anxieties

In Real Life There Is No Algebra

I can't believe how easy it is to get cigarettes in this country - The Simpsons

Take me out of what?

You'll never forget to turn off the oven if you never turn it on

Why can't women parallel park?

OK less gay

To heal the wound you must stop touching it

I just had the most beautiful dream where I died - Apu

Stop dating my mother

Be cool

Reverend Lovejoy pizza delivery

Do you have to be so white all the time?

I heard that, you bitch

To poor decisions - The Simpsons

Owning your okayness - The Simpsons

I've wasted my whole dang-diddly life - Flanders

Ernest goes somewhere cheap - Simpsons

I'm so happy and not at all jelous

Marge it's 3 am, shouldn't you be baking - The Simpsons

High as a kite

You're worth it

Everyone sucks but me

Your art was the prettiest art of all the art

Last name Jass, first name Hugh - Simspsons

Life is hard, right? - Wrong! Life is easy! You suck

Marge it's 3am shouldn't you be baking? - The SImpsons

Love is caring for each other even when you're angry

It's a great day for being sad

Working on a Saturday

I'm married - I can wear whatever I want

[sobbing mathematically]

Springfield Christian School - Simpsons

Can I have some? - The Simpsons

Cigarette? - Yes, I know

So you've decided to steal cable

Deja Poo

Doctor Ross Geller

Hillary's husband

Talk means trouble - Don't talk

Turn Your Wounds Into Wisdom

I'm so happy you're eating again

After eating all day I could use some food

People say "money doesn't grow on trees"

Seriously all you do is bitch

Who is Homer? - My name is Guy Incognito - The Simpsons

What kind of slut are you?

You alone? Almost always - Arrested Development

El Barto - El Homo - The Simpsons

I hate men but I'm not a lesbian

It's actually whipped cocaine

How exciting another closed door

Bort Simpson

What position is this? - The American Taxpayer - The Simpsons

When a pregnant woman swims she is a human submarine

Get me a vodka rocks - Arrested Development

Fuck Normality

Try not to be a cunt - The Buddha

I'm not like most girls?

Ventura? Yes Satan?

A little saucy, A little too saucy

What the hell was that? - Krusty the Clown

Do wasps make honey?

Too many assholes not enough bullets

This isn't my daddy this is my father

I'm saving my virginity for divorce

You been drinking drugs?

I'm funny right? What do you know? You're a door

Fuck Your Guns

How the fuck can a peanut kill someone, it's not even a person

Unflattering test results

They could deep-fry my shirt - The Simpsons

Come on Scully it'll be a nice trip to the forest

Don't ever call me that - The Simpsons

If you want to be happy - Don't think

Because I have a masters degree in fierce

What is the national language of the United States? - Third grade english

You're too easily offended - I can't believe you just said that